My Predictions for the GI Joe Movie.
I don’t think it’s too big a stretch for anyone to know I am a huge GI Joe fan. There is this little think about a GI Joe movie coming out and at this point the GI Joe Fandom is either singing the praises or downing every little detail of the film. Both sides grasp at straws from “inside sources” and early screening reviews.
So with absolutely no prior info, inside sources, or spoilers from “leaked scripts” and tons of other places, here are my predictions for the GI Joe Rise of Cobra movie. Most of this is simply based off of interviews, preview trailers, and entertainment segments on television.
The Good
Baroness (Selina Miller), Snake Eyes (Ray
Park) and Storm Shadow (Byung-hun
Lee) will all rock.
Baroness seems to be at the center of
everyone of the promos at this point, which with Selina Miller playing the part
is fine by me. But so far in
previews she looks to have nailed the part of the most sinister librarian ever.
I honestly feel this might be a break out performance for her regardless
of the film’s success. I think she
will be that good. If you still have
doubts rent the movie Stardust to see how well she can act (as the spoiled young
girl who asks a boy to fetch her a fallen star).
Ray Park has proven his abilities
already. He was Darth Maul and he
made a barely tolerable movie like Episode I the Phantom Menace almost watchable.
To this day most people I know will sit through TPM just to get to the
liquid rage of Maul in the climatic Lightsabre battle (Arguably one of the best
ever captured in a Star Wars movie to date).
If you read interviews and press releases from TPM, you will quickly
realize that the greatest elements of Maul were created by Park himself.
From the Lightsabre (which originally was a single hilt, but wasn’t
functional for Park) to Maul’s body language, Park created a VERY endearing
character in one of the most popular franchises of all time.
Add in his performance as Toad in the X-Men Movie you see he has a very
broad physical range as well as understands the importance of body language.
Add in Byung-hun Lee who is more well known to international movie
audiences. Working off of Park will
probably make their action sequences that much more spectacular (much as the
same effect as with Ewen McGregor). Add
to the fact Lee has a very impressive resume of movies on the international
scene and you can see this trio will carry the film.
The action sequences will be pretty
solid.
See above for much of the information
on this, but also Steven Sommers does have a reputation of good action
sequences. Examples like the Mummy
and even Van Helsing, However Sommers has taken to writing of late rather than
directing which brings to question how well his directing chops are after a 4
year absence. Still I think he will
pull off some decent and memorable moments.
Plot will probably be better than
Transformers 2.
Even though I really liked TF 2 I will
admit the plot had a few holes in it. However
a good plot does not mean good execution.
Marlyon Waynes won’t nearly be as
annoying as we all think he will.
Which is not to say he won’t be annoying, but everyone is predicting a Jar-Jar Binks level character from Waynes Ripcord. I don’t think that will happen here, I think on a comedy level Ripcord will be closer to Rick O’ Connel from The Mummy films (which is not a purposeful reference to Brandon Frasier’s Rumored Cameo in the film).
The Bad.
Hawk (Dennis Quaid), Destro
(Christopher Eccleston) and Cobra Commander (Joeseph Gordon-Levitt) will be
utterly disappointing.
On Quaid, I admit his interviews on
the movie have made it sound like he hasn’t taken the movie seriously and I
think it will translate into a “phoned in” performance.
Also the few lines he has delivered in Promos have a feeling of being
“mouthing the words” with nothing behind them. While just a guess, this is
kind of a letdown considering the long carrier Quaid has had.
Eccleston on the other hand has been
somewhat quiet and I think it may be because his role as Destro is not as big a
part as one would believe. Add to
the dynamic the lack of appearances by Destro in the promos to Rise of Cobra, it
appears on the surface that the role is significant but probably smaller than
expected. Again this is only a
guess.
Cobra Commander isn’t even in the
film until the end, I don’t think that is too huge a spoiler as it was
revealed in several places. However,
when you look at the figure for Cobra Commander for the movie one has to say WTF!?
His head looks like it is caught in a Jell-O mold.
Add to the fact that BOTH Destro and Cobra Commander have masks due to
scarring according to both figures (A very bad film cliché’ to say the least,
let alone done twice in one film). The
fact is both these iconic characters look as if they will not reach the heights
they have in the fandom. Just like
Dr Doom never reached the heights he could in the Fantastic Four movies, I think
these villains are being sold a pinch short by filmmakers and it is felt they
must be changed to make them more accessible to audiences.
This shortsightedness has hurt many properties over the years and sadly I
think it might hurt this one as well.
The Delta 6 super suits will go over
like a lead balloon.
In the previews we have seen these
suits featured and they look like something taken from a bad Sci-fi film.
Regardless of if the technology might be possible in a few years, the
idea is just ludicrious and it’s easy to see that this sequence (at its best)
is going to hurt the overall experience of the movie.
One part I have noticed is that there is a place in the sequence that
almost mimics shot for shot (but in reverese) a shot from the first Transformers
movie. I mention this hear cause
this becomes important to my next point.
There will be too many “homage” in
the film.
This is a gut feeling from interviews with Sommers. Even without the the above mentioned sequence, there is the quote from Sommers that he wanted to make a James Bond like film. I get the feeling there will be tons of sequences referencing Bond films. On top of that it is clear that at some point the Joes head out to the Pyramids of Giza where the final battle of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. Again just a gut feeling but I keep thinking we have only scratched the surface of “homage” (And anyone who has read Toxie’s 1;18th Universe knows I hate “homages” since I poke at them so much).
The Ugly
Chaning Tatum will not pull off Duke.
I get this mostly from the previews
but it looks like he is trying to play “the straight man” to Waynes Ripcord.
This isn’t going to work IMO as Duke has a much more important role to
the team. Also the dry delivery
(probably in attempt to further the “straight man” role) will hurt the
performance overall. He won’t be terrible, just not great.
[Insert favorite character name here]
will be reduced to a few lines and little to no development character wise.
Again this comes from the previews
mostly, but also history of “ensemble” properties being translated into film
as well. X-Men had tons of one line
character cameos for instance as well as Transformers (Look at Ironhide and
Ratchet in the first TF film for instance. You
can count their lines on one hand). I
could be way off base with this prediction too.
But the press pictures are very limited as well which would be odd for
characters that are supposed to be such important players to the movie.
Add to that the idea that Hollywood producers and directors firmly
believe an audience is lost on an ensemble cast (never mind dozens of movies
have proven that to be incorrect such as Lord of the Rings) and the idea all
these characters have significant roles are lessened.
Most likely they will have some lines, maybe even be a plot point to move
the story along due to their specialty. But
in the end they will probably just “be there” for the most part.
The “Uber connections” between
characters will not go over well.
Not trying to spoil the film but there
are several points where the movie connects characters together, this rarely
works in a “franchise” film (sometimes but I am hard pressed to think of an
example). I think the connections
are going to produce too many “Huh?” moments.
The overall reaction will be “Better
than expected but ‘meh’”
The cheerleaders are going to scream
“AWESOME!” and the haters are going to scream “IT SUCKS!” From box
office to critical reviews I think the movie will be overall just ok. Not
great, not bad, not terrible. Obviously
with its release date (in Aug) is a bad one and usually reserved for movies that
movie companies feel won’t hold their own in stiff competition.
That’s not a great sign. But
of course anyone who studies film history will tell you that you can’t predict
anything due to release dates, but it is an indicator.
But really my thoughts here come from
knowing the ones who are doing the film (Sommers) and from people who have not
been entrenched with GI Joe for the past 15 years (ie “grew up” as some
would say) who loudly say “this will suck” or at the least go “I will
probably rent it, it looks ok though.” Which
is the opposite of what people were saying to Transformers 2.
Because of these factors I think the film will only do moderately at the
box office. Not great but not bad,
it probably will make some money (enough to warrant a sequel is questionable,
that we will have to wait and see about).
Another factor that makes me think
this is everything builds to the possible sequeal, which begs the question “If
everything builds to the next film, why not do the next film instead of this
one.” Who knows really.
So at this point the cheerleaders are
saying I am a “Hater” and formulating their counter arguments like “You
need to accept change and not get locked into just YOUR version of GI Joe.” Or
“You bought 4 figures and you say you hate the movie, hypocrite!” while the
haters are calling me a cheerleader and contemplating how to boycott my site.
Either way I will return in a month after we see just how the film does and see how many of my predictions come true. How does that sound ;-).
